My mind is open and I have a good dose of humor. I can see situations from many different points of view. My approach to therapy is light and easy with joy and laughter, enabling clients to see results of therapy more quickly. My clients come primarily to have a better relationship, or to ensure that the relationship remains long lasting and happy. My passion is to help people get their good lives back.
There are many therapists in this country and in other countries that are working to change limiting beliefs and to allow a person to access their mind’s wisdom. I believe in a client’s empowerment to tap into their mind’s wisdom and therefore see myself as an advisor and a support person for a client’s life. My mantra is “if you like you may stay, and if you don’t like you may leave.” I treat each client as a little child would be treated in the home, with love and respect. I see therapy as a one-time meeting where each client represents a mini-episode in the client’s life where positive or negative circumstances gave birth to a mini-episode that will be used to illustrate a client’s life experience.
I do not believe that therapy is a pill. It is a way for clients to have their beliefs about themselves changed, either positively or negatively, that is the whole purpose of therapy. This is also why I see myself as only one small part of the client’s life, for I treat everyone as a mini-episode in their lives.
There are many therapists who see themselves as the therapist, and see their client as the patient, which is a different way to think, a different approach to therapy. The client feels their life is a tragedy, and the therapist feels their client’s life is a comedy, like a stand-up comedian, where both see themselves as mere characters. Then the therapist may see everything the client does, saying, and thinking as a way of getting back at the client for not being what the client thought the client was. They may have a negative, critical view of the client’s shortcomings, attitudes, and behaviors. They may believe the client is ungrateful for their past generosity and helpfulness, unhelpful and not grateful for past care and generosity. This may be the therapist’s perception because that is how the therapist’s ideas about people are formed, through the relationship with the client. The therapist does not ask questions, it observes, it tests, it tests again, it makes diagnoses and it makes recommendations, until it gets what it wants.
It takes only one question from the client to change things, and the therapist has no choice but to accept the client’s view. The client can change the therapist, it is as simple as that. The client can make the therapist any way he or she wants to be, the client can make the therapist angry, mad, bitter, helpful, sad, happy, loving. What the client thinks the therapist (parterapeut) is, or what the client thinks the therapist is not, it is just a matter of the client’s thought and belief.
It is impossible for the therapist to get it, or the client to change, if the therapist does not believe, even temporarily, that the client can change. The client is the patient.
This is a simple matter of the way belief is formed in our mind. A client holds onto something in his or her mind, and it sticks. It does not matter how far removed or insignificant the thought is in our mind; it sticks with us at some level, because the mind has learned how to make the connection between the thought and the result of holding onto it. The client holds onto a belief, or a worry, or a belief, it is still part of him or her. This is the client’s worry, and so it can change the therapist, just as it can change the client.
How do we get out of the trap?
- First and foremost we must understand that this is an accident. This is something that happened to us, not something that is happening to us. The past is done, there is no way to replay it. All we can do is accept what happened and move on. It happened. But this can happen again, and again, and again. We must just keep on trying again and again, and again.
- The past does not dictate what we will get. We can make our lives and relationships whatever we want them to be. The past just determines how we interpret and respond to the present. For example, if there was a case of domestic violence in the family, and the client chooses to be more understanding, and loving, and considerate of the person, then there is no guarantee that this will happen again.
- Even in the most unfortunate circumstances, if we choose to believe that we are victims, and we are, then we will be. We have to be, if we are to succeed in life. It is a choice.
We cannot force our clients to change, but we can encourage them to try and do it anyway. We can encourage them to take responsibility for their lives and their actions. When we do this, we set a positive frame for what can happen in future relationships. This will make sure that the relationship gets better, and sometimes even great. We will not be the victim, but we will be the victor, because we did not become the victimizer, but we took back the power ourselves.