Money can buy you beautiful friends
What are Thai women really like?
I have many foreign friends and when they visit Thailand they have always asked me the same question, to help find them a decent Thai woman. My first reaction is generally to laugh out loud, as I’m surprised to not only hear the same questions from different people, but that they are asking me to find them a girl from Thailand. Naturally, I follow by a quirky “nope!” as I don’t wish to introduce anyone of my own Thai girlfriends.
It is not because I’m a bad person, I have my reasons. Nor is it because decent Thai women are hard to find. It’s mainly due to the fact that I don’t know how serious these friends of mine really are? Whether they are ready for a relationship or whether they are actually interested in finding a long-term partner to love and to care for? Yes, you can call me protective; my girls need to be taken care of!
I haven’t heard the last of these requests. I do still get asked by all types of people, repeatedly. This question was quite a shock to be honest, the first time I was asked. Though now I’ve been asked so many times, this question has been bouncing around in my head. The question of why do foreigners like Thai women? Or even, why would foreigners choose Thai wives as their last lover of their lives? These are some big questions but not without merit. We’ve all heard about Thailand and the stories of Thai people being kind, humble, and loving to smile. But is that enough? Are these qualities enough to make foreigners fall in love with us and to stop their hearts wandering? Of course not!
I’ll be walking you through the reasons I believe Thai girls are unique, breaking this into 2 major parts:
The first part is the 5 major characteristics most Thai women possess. In my opinion these are worthy qualifications and are difficult to find from other nations.
The second part is to explore each of the 5 regions, unravelling the common themes and personalities you’re likely to find depending on the region one of our girls were born and raised.
I will also be giving you an insight into the deeper relationship questions you may have and also some pointers on dating do’s and don’ts and the pros and cons of being with Thai women.
THAI WOMEN ARE EUPHEMISTIC
For generations we girls have been taught to be polite and have good manners from birth. We have learned to speak softer and end our sentences very politely with the word “Kha”. As this is added to almost all our sentences, we’re almost always being polite. Though, it’s not like we don’t swear at all, we do! It’s just generally not in public places and would only use profanity with our close friends or whenever someone rubs us the wrong way like an unexpected encounter with rude Chinese tourists.
For most of us girls, our parents grew up in wooden houses and it was these wooden houses that we were raised in. Ever since we were little, we were asked to walk around the house slowly and softly. Essentially tip toeing. We weren’t allowed to run around and play loudly inside as the running would shake the house itself and the noise would pierce the thin walls disturbing everyone within. Even upstairs, we would need to walk with the balls of our feet placed down to the floor first, followed by our heels to not cause a ruckus. This is how we were asked to walk, unbeknownst we were being asked to catwalk around the bedroom during our childhood!
Our Thai culture teaches us that our head is the most sacred part of the body, where our feet are considered the most unclean and least important part. This is part of Thai etiquette and is ingrained not only in our brains but also in our behaviour. You should never see a Thai girl with our feet up high like on tables. I would say it is also rare to find one of us with our bottoms sitting on the table as we were told and grew up putting them where they belong – on chairs.
Thai girls are not only euphemistic in speech; it is part of our culture and reflects in our behaviour whether we are at home, or in public.
THAI WOMEN ARE AFFABLE
Thailand is often called the “Land of Smiles”, I believe this is not only due to the fascinating culture but also because of this country’s friendly people. Especially the women. Upon visiting our country you may have noticed how approachable and pleasant to talk to Thai girls can be. I’m not talking about specific tourist hot spots; I’m talking about the majority of Thai girls you would find if you were to travel this country, through all our 5 regions.
We tend to smile most of the time, with a positive outlook on life. Unless we’re having a really really bad day, of cause. If you’ve tried talking to us, whether it was to ask for directions or even a random conversation to practice your Thai. More times than not I bet one of us girls responded kindly and tried their best to help. If you’ve found some of us to back off or become very timid, please don’t be disheartened. The main reason is we’re just shy. It’s comes naturally to us.
Although it may not seem it, Thai women are affable. We’re friendly and easy to talk to. Don’t let language be a barrier between us, as a smile goes a long way and is universally understood. You might be lucky and get a few laughs in the process but be aware…
Thai Women’s Personality Traits
Thai girls have numerous personality traits and while some are endearing others can be deceptive and problematic.
Here are just a few of the many personality traits.
The smile
A smile can mean many things and this is especially true of Thai Women. For you and me a smile usually means someone is happy or being playful but for a Thai Women a smile can not only tell a story it can also end a relationship or start a war.
There is the disproving smile, this one to some Westerners can look like a cheeky smirk but in Thailand it can relate the message that you’re in big trouble when you get home or it can let someone know that the Thai woman is not impressed with something you have done or said and doesn’t want to get into an argument about it in public so for now she lets her smile do the arguing but rest assured you will be in a world of trouble at a later point in time.
A cool calm demeanour
Again this one leads on form the smile characteristic. Most Thais but especially Thai women do not like to show their emotions in public. Why make a show of yourself when you can just crack one of those smiles I mentioned and then go hell for leather when you are alone with your target.
Thai Women say one thing but mean something completely different
This one is pretty standard for women the world over but a bit more relevant for Thai women. Back in the West you may ask a woman if she enjoyed a movie and she may say yes she did because she doesn’t want a long debate as to why she didn’t like a movie that you were practically worshipping. Now take that trait to the extreme and you have a typical Thai woman.
A Thai women will rarely if ever tell you something that she thinks will upset you, now this is all good and well if you’re in a two week relationship that’s probably going to end once you vacation but if you’re married to the woman and this is let to continue week after week after week then at some point that volcano will erupt and God or Buddha help you if you are not a safe distance from the melting point.
A prime first hand example of this is the following, my friend never let her boyfriend know that she really hated the way he Wai’d (a Thai greeting done to older people or people in positions that deserve respect like a monk or a teacher etc.
Now to Wai people in Thailand is normal and expected as it shows respect and not doing it to the right people at the right time can make you very unpopular very quickly. The problem with her boyfriend was that he did this to everyone. He did it to children, to waiters, to homeless people you name it he bowed and Wai’d them. Sometimes he would do it several times to the same person during the same meeting or conversation.
He thought he was being polite while she and everyone else thought he was either ignorant of Thai traditions or just a complete imbecile and she always just smiled at him with her disapproving smile or told him he was silly which he took as a term of affection. This went on for almost six months until one day she exploded and hit the poor boyfriend with a barrage of abuse which left him dumfounded and angry. He then proceeded to scream at her for not telling him his mistake sooner to which she erupted telling him he should have paid attention to everyone else and he would have noticed his overzealous delivery. The final outcome of this was not pleasant and let’s just say her new boyfriend doesn’t have the same issues.
Loan = gift?
A Thai women will never remind you that she owes you something. Now this is not something malicious or underhanded it’s just the way it is. If you remind her then usually she will pay you back straight away but leave it to her and you can kiss your money or whatever else you loaned goodbye.
Mai Pen Rai
This short little term is probably the most used term in Thailand and definitely the most used term by Thai Women. Simply translated it means don’t worry or no problem. Then again, the cool calm demeanour and can be delivered with the “smile”. When you hear this term you need to consider all the surrounding factors that led to this comment because while many times it really does mean no problem and the person is cool with whatever happened, many times it really means what people in the West commonly refer to as “Bite me” or “kiss my ass.”
This term is the epitome of the Thai woman calmness trait and needs a lot more consideration then you could ever imagine. So be warned.
THAI WOMEN SHOW GRATITUDE TO PARENTS
I can guarantee that in this country, everyone shows gratitude to their parents. This is taught to us both through education and religion. As we grow older, this becomes our responsibility. It is everyone’s responsibility to take care of their parents; otherwise society will punish you for being disrespectful.
Our parents are the ones who showed us how to be euphemistic; our parents were the ones who taught us our values. While growing up in their home, our parents were our God. We we’re taught that to be successful in life, we need to respectful to our family and the ones living with us in our home.
One of the main differences between Asian culture and Western culture is in Asia, and especially in Thailand we celebrate children and we celebrate elders, rather than celebrating independence. Asian families usually live together. Yes that’s right, even grandparents, all under the same roof.
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Growing up with both parents and grandparents means we have had exposure to this customary code of polite behaviour at home on a daily basis. To be respectful to our elders, we would need to stop and let them pass whenever we bumped into them. If we were walking into a room and they were present, we would need to bow down while passing them. If they were sitting on the floor, we would need to kneel and crawl past them as a sign of respect. When sitting in the same location, we were not allowed to be in a position higher than our elders, they had to always be higher. Most of the times we would need to move our bodies to a lower position out of respect. We would never ask them to move on our behalves.
For us girls, it was quite tough growing up. We were not allowed to play in the house and so would play outside with the neighbours and local community. Obviously there would be boys around and they were always allowed to have fun. Whenever we mimicked the boys, us girls would get in trouble as doing so would undermine our standards. Our elders were always tough on us, sharing the teaching from their generation down to us. For example, we were not allowed to whistle. To this day I still cannot whistle. We were told that by whistling we would be performing the same act as the under-educated boys and was something girls should not do.
I may be alone here, but a quick tip you can try is to ask a Thai girl to whistle. If she can’t you can be pretty sure she had a traditional upbringing. One at least where she was close to her elders and grew up with the same traditions passed down for her previous generations. Either that, or she’s a fast learner!
#4 – THAI WOMEN ARE CONSIDERATE
Not only have we been brought up to care for our elders, we were also taught to respect our partners. We take care of our lovers and cover all the bases, even in the finer details. Accommodating other people and taking care of our loved ones is of vital importance to us Thai girls.
Looking at Western culture, being independent is how people are brought up. Western parents encourage this, it’s part of the culture and part of their upbringing. In recent times, there has also been an increase to encourage girls to be more confident, be more outspoken and to aggressively pursue their ideals and goals. In my opinion this has led for many women from that side of the globe to become overly competitive and more masculine. I feel they have lost some of their feminine touch and desirability.
Where here in Thailand, us girls were brought up to spread harmony and to respect our partners and to support them. I’m not trying to say that we are subservient or that we are quite and docile creatures that never voice our opinions. What I am saying is that we are not likely to challenge you on every issue that pops up. We wouldn’t plan to embarrass or challenge you publicly. Instead we will let you know in private, in a peaceful and respectful way of our disapproval over any issue.
Thai girls are always considerate to the needs and feeling of others. We are considerate to our family, our friends and our colleagues. We’re also considerate towards our new friends which would include you.
THAI WOMEN ARE ORGANIZED HOUSEWIVES
In this modern age, we girls have accepted that we are part of the workforce. Not only are we working women, we also take care of the house and family members within. This is an important task for us and is our duty, it’s always there floating around at the back of our minds.
Most Thai girls would have seen their own mothers successfully juggling the day to day tasks, bringing up several kids and run a household without the help of our bleeding edge electrical appliances. In all honestly, we know how important it is to maintain the home, one way or another we will find a means to have the home maintained for our family members. When it is our turn to be in charge of the household, we will make it a priority to ensure everything is organized.
We wouldn’t demand you to do your “fair share” once you’ve arrived back exhausted after a long day at work, we especially wouldn’t nag you endlessly as you’ve just entered through the door. I say this, but it’s also true and certainly greatly appreciated for any given help that’s voluntary and especially performed with a smile. It’s not something we’d demand loudly on a daily basis as we do understand.
Whether we are out working during the day, or at home taking care of the kids. You can rest assured that the house would be organized and food is at the ready. We grew up in a warm loving home and will do our best to create the same atmosphere for our partner.
Part one is complete, and I’ve provided an overview of the 5 main traits I believe every Thai girl owns. How does it sound so far? Now let’s have a look at the 5 different regions here in Thailand and how they relate.
THAI WOMEN FROM NORTHERN THAILAND
The North of Thailand is bordered by Myanmar, China and Laos. The terrain is mostly mountainous and flat areas, with a total area covering around one quarter of Thailand. The majority of people who live here are farmers. With that said, it’s true that residents and people who grew up in the region, are people who grew up with nature. It’s no wonder that they seem to be more skilled at Art, Music, and all other handmade skills when compared to the other regions.
Northern girls are tender-hearted. As you may already know, Thai people are all about peace, ideally at least. Northern girls will surprise you when you find out how calm and how peaceful they actually can be. They are very gentle and you might fall in love with them easily.
THAI WOMEN FROM NORTHEASTERN THAILAND (ISSAN)
The North-eastern region covers the biggest area in Thailand. It takes up one third of the whole country. This region is bordered by Laos to the North and Cambodia to the East. The Issan people believe that staying in a group is better than being alone. They believe that having more people to stay with, lessens the limitations you will encounter. Staying with other people and helping each other out is most likely the best solution.
That’s why it’s often you will see people from this region helping each other to do things in a group such as building houses, temples, schools or roads. Even dredging water sources together whenever you pay a visit. People from here are also farmers and love to have fun. They love to find joy in any situation, no matter how hard life can get. The girls here seem to be easy going and have a lot more patience than other regions. Girls from this region do not give up easily.
At this point, you could imagine that if you found a girl from this region and married her, you could probably guess what it will be like? That’s right; it would be a lot of fun!
THAI WOMEN FROM CENTRAL THAILAND
This part is a centre of trades, politics, economy, and arts of Thailand. The area was the heartland of the great Ayutthaya Kingdom, and still today considered the dominant area of Thailand. In this region you will find t capital city of Bangkok, which also explains why this region is the most populated region in the country. It’s safe to say that there is a lot more choice here, though without a doubt you will find many businesswomen here easily.
People who originate from this area tend to love freedom more than others. As this is a trending theme, the girls here could be considered the most independent if compared against the other regions. As Bangkok has become more and more westernized in the recent decades, the new generation has been influenced by this western culture and have more self-motivation and more determination to accomplish their goals on their own which is a totally different outlook if we were to compare with north-eastern girls. Up in the north-eastern region, girls are more likely to group together and are better as a team player role.
If you are looking for a girl who can take care of herself and does not demand too much, perhaps you will find her here.
THAI WOMEN FROM EASTERN THAILAND
In this region the terrain is flat with low range mountains. This region only has one country on its borders which is Cambodia. They also have a coastal area that is flat and curved and full of small islands. Some of the islands are well known, you may have heard of Koh Sichang, Koh Lan, Koh Samet or Koh Chang to name a few. The occupations in this sector are mainly horticultural crops, fisheries, and travel businesses. Its economy has grown tremendously because a deep sea port was built at Laem Chabang. There are large oil refineries and also industrial estates for overseas production. This is also the centre of gemstone cutting.
People here are very kind and relaxed. They like to start their own businesses, love freedom but they are not competitive when compared to central girls. This region is quite playful, especially when they talk. They often add additional words to their sentences to make the entire message softer. Girls from this region are very sweet indeed.
SOUTHERN WOMEN
The South is a region with a long, spiked surface stretching into the ocean blocking the Indian Ocean on the west side and the South China Sea on the East. The southern terrain consists of plains, forests, mountains, beaches, waterfalls, caves, lakes and islands on both sides of the sea. The southern population is engaged in agriculture, coffee farming, rubber plantations, coconut plantations, fruit and cashew nut orchards.
They also do deep sea and coastal fishing, shrimp and pearl farming, and handicrafts which is consistent with the lifestyle of Eastern people. Though, they don’t have the same personalities. Most of the people down south are strong, intelligent, committed and active. They speak directly and sometimes it may sound harsh and angry because they can be loud. Deep down inside they are very kind and relaxed, just like Eastern people and actually easy going just like North-eastern people. Not only that, they love their families just like North-eastern people do but are deeper hearted.
These girls are proud to be southern people because of their strong relationships with their relatives, and they aren’t scared to take any risks. They will give their all without holding anything back. If you are not ready to settle down, please don’t play with their hearts. It may be difficult to win the heart of a Southern girl, but if you are so lucky to do so, please do it sincerely.
So now that you know a little about the various regions and their inhabitants let’s look a bit deeper into a topic most of you want to know about.
THE PHYSICAL SIDE OF A RELATIONSHIP WITH A THAI WOMAN
Thai Women are outwardly shy and for many of them they have been raised to be seen and not heard. They are quite prudish in public and will never talk about sex or romance outside of the bedroom. Most will not hold your hand in public and they definitely will not kiss you while others are watching. This may sound like the beginning of a doomed relationship but once you get over this part of their culture and get to know a girl you will find that they are extremely loving and very willing to please their partner. It may take a little time to bring this side of them to the forefront but once you do you will find them to be just as much fun as any Western woman and far more loyal.
Take some time to get to know the woman and don’t expect too much too quickly. If you want to come to Thailand for a quick bit of sex and a no strings attached week of fun and frolics then there are many places you can go to get that but if you want a long term relationship with a women who will love you for who you are even if that person is a middle aged balding over weight guy then have patience and you won’t be disappointed. Thai women are keen to please and love to make you happy. When they find a man that they feel comfortable with they will do everything in their power to keep the relationship fresh and long lasting.
You will also find that once she is comfortable with you and has made you her own she will start to be more affectionate in public as she will no longer feel that people are judging her but in fact will now be envious of her as she parades you around on her arm like first prize in the Thai lottery. After all the only thing a Thai women loves more than being coy and cautious is to be cocky and proud especially when she has a Farang by her side knowing that most of her friends will never have the good fortune to experience the same feeling.
Yes it’s a little shallow but remember any one of these women given half the chance would do exactly the same thing and feel no shame in doing so. A Farang is the gold standard in Thailand. Most Thai women would give their right arm to have a Farang on the left one and when you consider most Thai women will never leave the Province let alone the country then you can understand why the Farang is so highly prized.
Once you have reached this level of acceptance Thai women are just as adventurous in the bedroom as their Western counterparts. They love to try new things (let’s not forget that most things in the intimacy spectrum are new things) so it’s an adventure you can both make together and have fun experimenting and learning each other’s likes and dislikes. The main difference between Thai women and the women of the west is that Thai women are far more loyal and far less likely to have an affair or leave you because your lovely black head of hair has turned grey. Thai women don’t let physical appearance dictate and rule their lives. Now that’s not an excuse to be a slob but should your body not remain as it used to when you get older its far less likely you will be upgraded to a newer model when married to a Thai women.
That is of course as long as you take care of her.
This is where many Farang men fail in a relationship with women of a different culture especially Thais. In Thai culture family is everything and that can more often than not mean not just a Mum or Dad but also a Grandparent or two and a Brother, a Cousin, an Aunt and a few distant relations.
Now before you slam the door behind you and put the pedal to the metal at the thought of that just remember how life works back home. The fact that you’re in Thailand suggests that you have left home and family (if you have any) behind. So who is taking care of your parents? Who is taking care of your grandparents?
My guess is that if they are still alive they are fending for themselves at home and in a lot of cases may be very lonely or in worst case situations they are in a nursing home being mistreated by complete strangers who treat them like a commodity for a monthly fee.
Now look at Thailand, the family unit is extremely strong. Everyone takes care of their elders and in turn the hope is that your offspring will do the same for you in your twilight years. I don’t know about you but I know I would rather be close to my family and have people who have my back in times of crisis then waking up one day to an empty house and worrying how I was going to shuffle to the local store to buy a bottle of milk and some bread.
To add to that the stress of wondering who would bring me to hospital if I fell ill or being scared to open the front door in case it was some scam artist trying to take advantage of me well it’s really a no brainer. Thailand wins hands down so don’t worry too much about half the village showing up to meet you and realising that most of them are related and just take it for what it is, a close knit family unit that will do anything to protect their own.
So treat them well. Respect them and give them the love you would want in return.
TAKING CARE OF YOUR THAI WOMAN
Now once you have gotten over the shock of the extended family system it’s time to consider how to take care of your own wife/girlfriend and her needs. A Thai woman doesn’t ask for much. First and foremost they want security. They want to feel like they never have to worry about putting food on the table or having shoes to wear. They don’t want to live like royalty but they definitely don’t want to be poor.
They will work very hard for you be it in the home or in an outside job and all they want is that feeling that they are at least as good as everyone else and at best they are comfortable and have all the basics in life. If they can get a few luxuries along the way then this is a dream come true and they will love you and treat you with more love and loyalty then you could ever imagine.
Next up is to simply love them. All too often in Thailand a women will end up in a relationship with an abusive or dismissive Thai man. Unfortunately in Thailand men aren’t known for their compassion or their gentle nature. Many are quick to use their fists and some are likely to cause serious mental and physical injury to their partners. They don’t care about satisfying a woman and really just have them to make babies and clean house. I am not saying all Thai men are like this but for sure it’s a large majority. So go ahead of the curve all you have to do is be a nice guy. Treat them well and love them unconditionally which really when you think about it is not a lot to ask for getting so much in return.